Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize