You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
