The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
