my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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