I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
