I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
