Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
