TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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