..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I cockslap morals
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
