We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
