Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
