Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
