It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize