We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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