even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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