So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
