Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
