I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
