After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
