I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
