I hate all girls vehemently.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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