brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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