just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
