I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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