My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The beer is more important than you right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
