how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That was before I lit my hair on fire
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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