They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think I won the penis lottery.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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