i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
