i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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