i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
