I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
