Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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