I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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