I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
