I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
