I need help removing her.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
