how can u be prego again
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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