I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
