your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
