stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
