If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
