she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
