the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
