he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
