sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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