he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
