i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
