RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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