Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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