dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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