In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
