I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
