you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
