he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
