well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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