Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
