i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
