I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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