I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
