At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
