I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
