So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
