Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
