Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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